From Marianne: The Deal Hanging Over Me 💪

I had to negotiate something recently. And let me tell you, despite my reputation, I was not born with the hardball gene.

My instinct is to be way too nice. I start worrying about the other person, their feelings, their reaction, their dog, their childhood... and before I know it, I've given away the farm.

This time I really wanted to get it right.

I had a close friend who negotiates contracts for a living talk me through it. At first I made the classic rookie mistake: I started too high and we were still miles apart. I came back to my friend and we talked through the possible outcomes, what was fair, what I could live with, what I actually believed I deserved. And slowly, the scary part got smaller.

Something unexpected happened, too: I started to enjoy it. The more I understood what I was asking for and why, the more confident I felt. And the more confident I felt, the better I performed. I could actually feel myself getting closer to what I wanted, not by being pushy, but by being clear.

We landed on something that felt fair to both sides. I didn't win in some aggressive, chest-pounding way. I just didn't fold and that felt like enough.

Here's what I want every woman reading this to hear: so many of us don't speak up for ourselves. We give away the farm before anyone even asks. We stay quiet because we don't want to seem difficult, or demanding, or like too much. And let's face it, sometimes we cave just because we're scared.

I was tempted every single step of the way to say "forget it, I'll just pay the whole thing." But that would have been lazy and not fair to myself.

Confidence doesn't show up before you start. You get it by doing it. By walking through the outcomes. By knowing your number. By reminding yourself that asking for what's fair isn't the same as being mean.

Honestly, the best part wasn't even the outcome. It's not having this hanging over me anymore. Yeah, the deal is the deal but the peace afterward is the real prize.