From Marianne: Why Do We Mourn People We Never Knew

A couple of weeks ago, I woke up to terrible news. Sydney Towle, a 26-year-old TikTok creator I'd been following, had died from bile duct cancer. I didn't know Sydney, or Syd, as she was known online. But my algorithm had found her and kept finding her. Almost every day there she was, updating more than a million followers about her cancer with an attitude that seemed almost impossible given what she was facing. Funny, hopeful, and relentlessly positive. The message I took from her was simple: I'm here. So I'm going to live.

The night before she died, her brother announced that she'd entered hospice. I went to bed thinking about her. The next morning, I learned she was gone, and I actually cried. This makes me wonder: Why do we grieve people we’ve never actually met?

For me this is not new. 

I'll never forget pulling into a parking lot in Miami when I heard on the radio that John Lennon had been shot. I didn't get out of the car. I sat there listening for updates and crying for two hours. Eventually the parking lot lights went off and I realized I was alone in the dark. I finally drove home.

John Lennon didn't know me. Syd didn't know me. So why did losing them feel personal?

Technology has made that question even more interesting. When someone appears on your phone every day, talking directly to the camera about their fears, their family, their illness, their life, it doesn't feel like you’re watching a stranger anymore. It feels like you’re checking in with someone you know.

I've spent most of my career on the other side of that. For years I was a morning TV anchor in people's living rooms every day. Today I'm still on Chicago’s WGN Radio every week and Bob is there every morning. People stop us at restaurants and grocery stores and start talking like old friends. Many of them watched us fall in love on Fox Thing in the Morning. They've followed our marriage, our kids and our lives ever since. They can't believe our baby is 26-years old. (Neither can I!)

For years I'd think: could I ever feel that connected to someone I've never actually met. Apparently yes.

Because maybe knowing someone isn't as simple as we think. You can know someone's voice without knowing their phone number. You can know what makes them laugh without ever having dinner with them. You can root for someone you've never hugged. And sometimes you can miss someone who never knew you were there.