Savvy Talks: How to Avoid a Gray Divorce

We’ve all heard the headlines — another long-term celebrity couple calling it quits after decades together. But it’s not just Hollywood. Divorce among couples in their 50s, 60s, and beyond is on the rise. It even has a name: Gray Divorce.

So why are so many long marriages suddenly ending? Therapists say it’s rarely one big explosion. It’s the slow buildup — years of quiet resentment, unspoken frustrations, and emotional distance that finally add up.

Here are some of the most common triggers:

1. The slow drift.

When life gets busy, it’s easy to stop talking about anything deeper than errands or logistics. Over time, emotional neglect becomes the real deal-breaker.

2. The menopause wake-up call.

For many women, midlife becomes the moment they stop tolerating what isn’t working. Hormonal shifts bring clarity: “I’m not living like this anymore.”

3. Repeated infidelity.

Not the one-time mistake — the pattern. At some point, one partner realizes, We’ve been through this too many times. I’m done.

4. The empty nest effect.

Once the kids are gone, the silence can be deafening. Some couples realize they’ve been partners in parenting, not in life.

5. Divided values.

Changing worldviews — political, social, or cultural — can quietly erode the connection. You start to feel like you’re living with someone from a different planet.

6. Health and caretaking fears.

Midlife brings a sobering question: Will this person really be there if I get sick? When the answer’s unclear, the foundation shakes.

5 Savvy Ways to Avoid a Gray Divorce

Staying married isn’t about endurance — it’s about evolution. You can’t keep the same marriage for forty years; you have to keep creating new versions of it with the same person.

Here’s how to start:

1. Clear the air regularly.

Don’t let small irritations pile up for decades. Say what’s bothering you — calmly — before resentment hardens into distance.

2. Redefine life after the kids.

When the nest empties, fill it with something new together: travel, volunteer work, learning, or projects you both care about. You need fresh reasons to be a team.

3. Keep curiosity alive.

Ask questions again. People change. Get to know who your partner is now, not just who they were when you met.

4. Choose generosity over scorekeeping.

Stop tallying who did what. Acts of kindness build connection; pettiness kills it.

5. Talk about aging before it’s urgent.

Discuss caretaking, finances, and end-of-life wishes early. It’s not morbid — it’s mature love.

Bottom line: the couples who last don’t just stay together; they keep growing together. Love at this stage of life isn’t about holding on — it’s about continuously choosing each other, with open eyes and open hearts.

  Originally aired on 10/10/25 for WGN Radio 720.