Savvy Talks: The Bird Theory: The Viral Relationship Test That’s Not Really About Birds 🐦

Originally aired on 11/26/21 for WGN Radio 720.

I saw a bird today.

And according to TikTok, that single sentence is now considered a relationship test.
Yes, really.

Here’s how it works: you say something totally random — like “I saw a bird today” — and your partner’s reaction supposedly reveals everything about your future together.

Do they look up?
Ask a follow-up question?
Show even the tiniest bit of curiosity?

Good sign.

Do they grunt, say “cool,” or keep scrolling their phone?

According to the Bird Theory, you’re doomed.

But here’s the thing: this TikTok trend is actually based on something real — something that does predict relationship health.

Let’s break it down.

What the Bird Theory Is Actually About

The whole trend comes from the Gottmans’ research on what they call “bids for connection.”

A bid is any tiny moment when you reach out emotionally:

• “Look at this sunset.”
  

• “Guess what happened today.”
  

• “I saw a bird.”
  
  

It’s not about the comment — it’s about whether your partner turns toward you or turns away.

These micro-moments add up.
Over time, they either build closeness or quietly erode it.

The Gottmans even found that couples who responded positively to 86% of bids stayed together long-term.

Let me repeat: 86 percent.

Suddenly that bird feels… important.

So Is the Bird Test Accurate?

Yes and no.

It can reveal something real — attention, presence, curiosity.
But it’s also TikTok. If your partner is tired, distracted, making dinner, or simply didn’t hear you, it’s not a prophecy.

The real question isn’t whether someone reacts perfectly once.
It’s whether they show up for you consistently.

If You Want a Real Relationship Check-In, Try These

1. The 2-Minute Listening Ritual

One person talks for two minutes about something that matters. No interruptions. Then switch.

Why it works:
It strengthens attention and empathy like a muscle.

2. Count the Micro-Moments of Affection

The quick smile when your text pops up.
The hand on your back as they walk past.
The small check-ins throughout the day.

These tiny things predict relationship health far better than grand gestures.

3. Ask This Bold Question:

“What’s something you’ve been wanting to tell me… but haven’t?”

Yes, it’s scary.
Yes, it can open a door you didn’t know was closed.
But it creates honesty, connection, and relief.

4. The “Turning Toward” Score

Notice how often they respond to your small comments, questions, or observations.

Do they:

• Look up
  

• Engage
  

• Remember what you said
  

• Follow up the next day
  

These are the real signs of emotional interest.

🧠 Final Thought

The Bird Test was never about birds.

It’s about attention.
Curiosity.
Presence.
The tiny moments that make relationships feel safe and alive.

And if you’re not getting that consistently?

That’s your real sign.