Obligation Debt 💸

My mom used to say: if you need something done, give it to a busy person.

I live by that. I pack a lot into my days: the newsletter, the radio segment, the writing, the cooking, the friends, the life. And somehow it mostly gets done. Not because I'm superhuman. Because I've learned to be ruthless about what actually deserves my yes.

But I have friends who are drowning in the opposite problem.

They mean well. They genuinely want to get together, travel, try that new restaurant, actually show up for the people they love. But they can't. Because they said yes to too many other things first. Aging parents, family logistics, commitments that piled up before they noticed the weight of them. Every time we try to make plans something gets in the way. Not an emergency. Just... another obligation.

I've started calling it obligation debt. Every commitment you make is a mental tax. One or two is fine. Stack enough of them and you're not living anymore, you're just managing.

It's what stress does to a plant. You don't grow. You don't make fruit. You just survive.

And here's what bothers me most: being needed feels noble. It looks like love. But when you're constantly spent on everyone else's logistics, everyone else's emotional labor, everyone else's everything, you can't show up fully. At least not for the people you actually want to be present for. Not even for yourself.

Being more commitment-free isn't selfish. It's how you stay present, creative, and whole.

Clear the plate. Not all of it. Just enough to leave room for the good stuff.

Because you can't grow anything when everything is draining you.